“Everyone knows that the holidays can seem like a surreal psychodrama. Song-poem writers are just a little more upfront about it”. So says the liner notes of the latest “Song Poem” anthology released by Bar None records, this one covering Christmas/Holiday themed works. Oh dear god! If you don’t know, “song-poems” are compositions performed by top flight studio musicians using lyrics provided by paying customers. The customer received a few copies on vinyl singles and (empty) promises of fame and fortune. A thing of the past, song-poems go way back; most of these sound late 60’s, 70’s. Indeed, since the master tapes are long gone, these recordings were lifted from scratchy original vinyl found in people’s attics and at flea markets. Cheesy, strange, twisted, just plain wrong. What do you expect? Most unnerving is how the high quality of musicianship is juxtaposed with the abysmal songwriting. Downright disturbing. Merry Christmas!!

1) cheesy casino organ pop, clear female vocs, rhymes “smile” with “nuclear missile”. Say no more
2) slightly loungy pop, pretty fem vocs
3) strange 60’s garage pop feel, almost a Donovan quality about the vocs
4) early 70’s pop, w/ string arrangements even
5) disco xmass! Say no more
6) sentimental feel, male vocs
7) decidedly children’s song feel w/ bright fem vocs and bounce
8) another childlike melody w/ male lead/fem backup vocs, really stupid
9) vaudeville piano feel, lyrics enter @1:00, “chipmunk” harmonies, yeesh
10) this could pass for a gum commercial instead of a Christmas song, smarmy lounge organ and rich sultry female harmonies
11) title track- slightly off-key fem vocs, abysmal lyrics, ouch ouch OUCH!!! The musicians mustve been wasted to slog through this
12) piano ballad, religious, pitiful
13) 70’s pop flare, voice over, fem vocs, puh-leeze! “next of kind-er”?!?
14) god this is terrible- a 60’s type crooning ballad where the music is flawless, but the lyricist mustve been missing a chromosome
15) childlike waltz, santa theme
16) Christmas polka! Ay yi yi…
17) a song about abusing your children through deprivation of working toys- “mom and dad’ trade off vocals, childlike music
18) cool funk-kay soulful disco, fem vocs
19) covered by Yo La Tengo- santa in a space ship
20) romantic attempt fails (surprised?), New Year theme
21) sleighbells, 60’s pop, fem vocs